Wednesday, August 3rd, 2005
|
|
5:08 pm - Wow it's been a long time since Ive Updated!
|
|
So yea im not dead if that's what some of ur are thinking.....
|
|
(Show Me Love)
|
|
Saturday, August 31st, 2002
|
|
2:57 pm
|
Hey everyone...sorry I haven't been writting in this journal lately but I do have a new one....but my new one is friends only. this one is more of a public journal i guess, but I won't be using this one to much so if u wanna add my new one that's kool ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) xxstuckupsuckax so there ya go that's my new journal....I hope everyone had a great summer and I wish everyone for the best of luck with going back to school, college or work...whatever it is that u will be doing this fall. So take care everyone.
Rachel
xxstuckupsuckax
|
|
(3People Love me | Show Me Love)
|
|
Sunday, August 11th, 2002
|
|
2:22 am
|
Ok I have a New Journal!
this is gonna be a total
Friends ONLY!!!!!!!!!
So If u want u can add me
or if not that's kool too
cause Im keeping both up!
My new one is gonna be
more personal and more
honest and sometimes people
don't always wanna read that
kinda stuff. well I think im
gonna shut up now and give u the
link to my new one.
xxstuckupsuckax
|
|
(9People Love me | Show Me Love)
|
|
Friday, August 9th, 2002
|
|
5:39 pm - One Week to make it work!
|
Well...Im gonna have the house to myself for ONE week.
My family is leaving for Cali by car and Im gonna meet
them there in One week from the time they leave. So I
have all that time to sort things out with my baby and
see where things take us. I think this will be good for
us we get to have all this time alone together and get
things straight. And then Im off for a week of Sun Fun
and Surf! Woohoo Cali here I come!
|
|
(5People Love me | Show Me Love)
|
|
Wednesday, August 7th, 2002
|
|
9:44 am
|
|
|
Wednesday, July 31st, 2002
|
|
1:29 am - Hey Everyone
|
Hunny Im Home! Lol
Anyways Im back from my trip to Tronto....
It was good and bad...I'll write a full thing tomorrow or whatever lol .... Im kinda sucking at typing right now too...cause I haven't been near a computer or anything for like 9 days now or 10 I mean. So yea anyways....I'll write more later....and I'll catch up with yall soon!
XOXO
Rachel
current mood:  thankful
|
|
(Show Me Love)
|
|
Friday, July 26th, 2002
|
|
6:53 pm - in toronto
|
|
i just stoped by to say hi i have about 5 mins left on my time on these xpensive net thingies i hope everyone is well and ill talk to u all when i get home on thw 30th
|
|
(Show Me Love)
|
|
Saturday, July 20th, 2002
|
|
8:50 pm - Toronto
|
Well everyone I leave for Toronto Tomorrow.
SO I just wanted to say good bye to everyone and I'll talk to yall soon or later lol or whenever.
I haven't really be online much but When I get back I will be.
So I hope everyone takes care and is enjoying the summer.
Love
Rachel
|
|
(4People Love me | Show Me Love)
|
|
Friday, July 19th, 2002
|
|
5:23 pm - Interview with Rachel Jacobs
|
|
|
Monday, July 15th, 2002
|
|
12:42 am - Let me brake it down for you
|
Ok so here is how things went.
Saturday morning- Family leaves 5am. I awake around 8:40am and lay in bed wondering if my mom sayted home or went with my family. I get up just b4 9am to check the house to see that everyone is gone. Then I go back to sleep.
Saturday afternoon- Door bell rings and awkens me. I looked at my clock and it was exactally 12 noon. I didn't wish to go downstairs to open the door so I opened my window and asked who was there. And non other than Brandon walks into my view. I had to rush and put some proper clothes didn't want to have guest in my Pj's. I ran down to answer the door and I was a bit shocked to see him at my house, considering i kicked him out the last time.
I go have a shower and come out and see what he's doing. So me and brandon are just chillin talking whatever. Then I notice that Brandon has all these cuts and scrapes on his legs and big bruses on his arms. I right away ask him what had happen, tho he would not tell me. He wanted to have a shower and I granted him his wish. He showered and changed his shirt. I then began with the questions. Still NO answers. By this time Im getting really frustrated and sick of playing games and he then beggins to tell me that him and his two friends got jumped by 10 guys in a bad part of down town.
Now known what kind of mouth Brandon owns I can't fully belive that they got jumped for nothing. But brandon insits that they did nothing wrong and it was a random fight. I still don't belive that he did nothing to provoc this nonsence. Yet I was still conserned and cleaned his wounds. He had an apointment at 2pm with the college for some course he can take and get payed for learning or something to that extent so he left.
Saturday early evening- Brandon shows up around 4-4:30. By this time I got a phone call from Damara inviting me to her place for dinner and such. SO me and Brandon are jsut chillin. I recieve a few phone calls that Brandon didn't really approve of me getting so many calls. He then proceeds to make more comments that are not to my liking. So will all this said and done I went crazy. I started hitting him and slapping him on his arms and chest etc... never once did he try to defend himself or try to hit me back. I don't know what was wrong with me. just a lot of anger built up i guess, but I know physcial violence isn't the answer. I end up punching him in the head and I felt really bad. He just sat on the couch looking at me like he couldn't belive this was really happening. I begged him to forgive me and kissed him.
He pulled me into his arms and just held me. It seemed like we were in eachothers arms forever. But good things never last.
Damara then shows up at the house and has a little visit. She stays for a good 45mins and then leaves without me.
Saturday Evening- Brandon starts cooking us dinner as I help prepare the veggies and provide entertainment. Brandon cooked us a lovely meal and we sat together and enjoyed it. We then watched a movie after our dinner. With a few phone calls here and there for people that were suppose to come over and havea little party. All fell through, by the time 10pm rolls around Im tired of waiting so We take my mothers car(grand theftauto) and we get some drinks. We come home and the drinking begins. From 10:30 till around 1am I had a totally of 10 drinks. Totally drunk at this point brandon pulls out the drugs.
We go out side and smoke to joints to ourself. Im laying on the swinging chair and he is on a chair directly across from me we proceed to talk about school and politics and soo on from what I do remember. I was hard core trippin tho, I felt weightless that all my movements were as if I was walking or laying or whatever on air. I guess after having 10 drinks and two joints gives u some kind of courage cause I brought up Brandon's "GIRLFRIEND" he explained to me that when he left his home town he had a girlfriend. They never had a formal good bye or a formal breake up. He was having mixed emotions about it and then he met me. And all things had changed, he forgot about his girl and procced with a relationship with me.
He told me alot of nice things that I have long needed to hear from a mans mouth. He told me that I was beautiful and that he was lucky to have someone like me in his life. He told me that Ive been the only thing in his life right now that has made him happy. But after his "girlfriend" called his place and Akey told her that he was with me, old feelings had came and made things confusing for him. Hence the lack of physical love/affection on Brandon's behalf.
After hearing all this I couldn't take it anymore and told him to be straight with me and let me know where things stand between us. What is my role in his life, what am I to him. Sadly I didn't get a straight answer from him. He jsut said that he needs me in his life and that he values the relationship we have but he still has these confused untimely feelings for his girlfriend/ex whatever she is.
Early Sunday moring-Its around 4am by the end of our little chat. I told him I was going to bed, never did I think I would be going alone but I did. I woke up hopeing that he would be right beside me when i open my eyes. Sadly that didn't happen. I woke up a little after 7am. I got up and let my dog out, Brandon was up watching tv. I drank a big glass of water and went back to bed. I layed in bed hopeing that he could come join me, alas it never happen. I reawoke after 9am. I recever a call from my Mom saying they should be home around 12 to maybe around 3 in the afternoon.
We make breakfast together and share another meal. we both do our thing clean up and what have you. and we procced with the day. Ive been having a few rules since things had changed. Brandon was no longer allowed on my computer for any reason. And he was not allowed to do any drugs around me. So he got pretty upset and said some disrespectful stuff and I told him he needed to get out of my house. I must have told him a billion times to get out of my house but he wouldn't listen. Insted he started cleaing my house and i went to sleep cause I didn't want to put up with his bull. I woke up around 3pm and I should be attending this one function with Chris and Val. SO I start calling people to see who could drive me and that takes a while. I finaly get a hold of my cousin Damara and they say they will come get me. the got there a little after 4pm. I go with my aunite and damra and Brandon goes his way whatever that is.
the rest of my day is just filler, but I covered the main points. Guys are so confusing. Im not even sure what I want anymore.
|
|
(1People Love me | Show Me Love)
|
|
Saturday, July 13th, 2002
|
|
11:03 am - Uninvited
|
Ok you know what....Guys Suck!!!!
What's that you say? it's nothing U haven't heard b4.
Well let me tell you Guys suck big time! They are to confusing and way to complacated! Last night I was talking to Chris, now you think conversation is harmless right! hah not with Chris! Prolly for as long as Ive been friends with Chris I always end up in tears when we have converstations! Now you ask me why Do i always end up Crying! Simple I think Chris like to see me Misrabel! Plain and Simple I think he takes enjoyment out of other peoples PAIN! Last night he asked if I was going to this one function....I told him NO and gave him my reasons! And he was being a big jerk about it and ask me to explain once again. why I don't want to go to this function.
I told him I have what is known as Agrophobia/Socialphobia and Separation Anxiety Disorder. Now If u guys are not educated on these disorders I will give a breif out line on what these disorders include.
Agrophobia
Agoraphobic fears typically involve characteristic clusters of situations that include being outside the home alone; being in a crowd or standing in a line; being on a bridge; and traveling in a bus, plane, or automobile.
Social Phobia
A persistent irrational fear of situations in which the person may be closely watched and judged by others, as in public speaking, eating, or using public facilities.repeatedly fears at least one social or performance situation that involves facing strangers or being watched by others.
Separation Anxiety Disorder
Developmentally inappropriate and excessive anxiety concerning separation from home or from those to whom the individual is attached,recurrent excessive distress when separation from home or major attachment figures occurs or is anticipated,repeated complaints of physical symptoms (such as headaches, stomachaches, nausea, or vomiting) when separation from major attachment figures occurs or is anticipated
Now after explaing to Chris what disorders I have and thos are my reasons for not wanting to attend this function he became the biggest Jerk about it. Saying that Im to old to have these disorders and that I should grow up and and get into the real world.
AAHHHHHH )%&@#_)%&(* @)#%*&@#$)%*(
Does he not understand that they these are a real illness?!? that Ive been on Meds for these Disorders for a while now! Ive had Agrophobia and S.A.D since I was a child!
Damn it anyways! Why do guys have to be such assholes?!
If there are any good men out there gimmie a call! There are tons of good women looking for you!
current mood:  crushed
|
|
(7People Love me | Show Me Love)
|
|
Friday, July 12th, 2002
|
|
1:16 pm
|
Poll #46310 Rachel's Drama
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 16How many of you read my journal on a daily basis Are you guys sick of me bitching about my Love Life? Do you think Im a bad person for going out with Two guys at the same time? Do you guys think I should Dump Brandon? Do you guys think I should tell Brandon about Chris? Do you like Reading about my Drama?
|
|
(Show Me Love)
|
|
|
12:56 pm
|
Roar guys can be so damn confusing. So yesterday Brandon calls me from school. We talk for a bit and whatever. He calls me later on in the day from Jadea's house and tells me he wants to Rent movies toinght. I really don't know why I agreed but I did. So we go the the video store and he picks out some movies. So anyways we go back to my place and start talking. He notices I deleted everything of his off my computer. He asks what Ive been doing and where I was on the weekend. SO I told him I got smashed at Joeys on the weekend. He got mad at me for that. And we had a fight b/c he said I never call him .... when that is so far from the truth. I call so much and I talk to everyone in his house except him! I got mad at him and told him he never calls me anymore either. So we just had this yelling match that seem to go on forever. Well we finaly calmed down a bit and put on the movie, and Brandon decides he wants to get cozy with me...what an ass. God guys suck! Oh well tomorrow Im gonna be Playing with Chris THANK GOD!;)
current mood:  horny
|
|
(Show Me Love)
|
|
Thursday, July 11th, 2002
|
|
5:30 pm - Rest In Peace kiss_me
|
|
I just recived an Email saying that kiss_me passed away on the 4th of July weekend, She got hit by a drunk driver. Please Keep her in your thoughts and prayers.
|
|
(3People Love me | Show Me Love)
|
|
|
1:06 am - Sex, Drugs and Um .........
|
LoL just kidding....well for part of it anyways. I have the house to myself this weekend. SO friday night IM having a little get together! hahaha Or should I say EVERYONE GET DRUNK and pass out on my couch! And Then Saturday Im getting my Freak on! WOOHOO That's right Chris is gonna stay with me...*wink wink* you know what that means! LOL god Im a dirty lil'girl! muahaha DON'T YoU LOVE IT! Then Sunday is the clean up everything day b4 fam gets home. SO Im in store for a fun filled weekend. Filled in more ways then one ;)
current mood:  energetic
|
|
(1People Love me | Show Me Love)
|
|
Tuesday, July 9th, 2002
|
|
1:01 pm - Two of a Kind
|
Well it looks like Brandon is doing the samething to me. I bumbed into one of my ex's whom Brandon hates, anyways Richard (my ex) asked me if I had seen Brandon today and I told him I have not seen him since Thrusday. Some how He brought up how Akey started shit with Brandon....and seeing how Brandon hates Akey and I have no clue why and nor did Brandon ever wanna tell me, I know exactally why Brandon hates Akey now. Akey Brought me up in front of Brandon's "GIRL FRIEND" apparently Akey asked Brandon why he's always with me. I guess people didn't know we were together. SO I guess Im the "Other" girl. So I guess when I ask brandon about his "grilfriend" I'll tell him about Chris. I guess I don't really have the right to be upset abut this b/c I did the same thing to him. Serves me right I guess. I knew there was something up when I don't hear from him like this....esp on weekends when he would never call...I know where he was now...with his g/f.
SO one Lied to me and the other one just wants to fuck me. I pick em good don't I?
current mood:  depressed
|
|
(1People Love me | Show Me Love)
|
|
Monday, July 8th, 2002
|
|
2:31 pm
|
I have always liked this song...and it's kinda funny that this song meaning to me now... lol cause Chris' dad is a Preacher at my chuch. How Ironic!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Billy-Ray was a preacher's son
And when his daddy would visit he'd come along
When they'd gather 'round and started talkin'
Is when Billy would take me walkin'
A' through the backyard we'd go walkin'
And then he'd look into my eyes
And lord knows to my surprise
The only one who could ever reach me
Was the son of a preacher man
The only boy who could ever teach me
Was the son of a preacher man
Yes he was, yes he was
Oh, yes he was
Being good isn't always easy
No matter how hard I'd try
When he started sweet-talkin' to me
He'd come and tell me everything is all right
He'd kiss and tell me everything is all right
And can we get away again tonight?
The only one who could ever reach me
Was the son of a preacher man
The only boy who could ever teach me
Was the son of a preacher man
Yes he was, yes he was
Oh, yes he was
How well I remember
The look that was in his eyes
Stealin' kisses from me on the sly
Takin' time to make time
Tellin' me that he's all mine
Learnin' from each other's knowing
Lookin' to see how much we been growin'
And the only one who could ever reach me
Was the son of a preacher man
The only boy who could ever teach me
Was the son of a preacher man
Yes he was, yes he was
Oh
The only one who could ever reach me
Was the son of a preacher man
The only boy who could ever teach me
Was the son of a preacher man
current mood:  calm
|
|
(3People Love me | Show Me Love)
|
|
|
10:36 am
|
|
Blah...Im all sorts of hungry...but I don't really wanna eat...Im to hungover.
|
|
(Show Me Love)
|
|
|
2:59 am - Rum, Rachel, and a jungle gym
|
hahah now ur prolly wondering what all thos have to do with eachother. Well We had a little get together at Joey's house tonight.
Me, Joey, Emilie, Reena, Rory and Joesph
I bought some drinks and we all had a great time lol I drank a little to much but all is good now hehe.
me and joey were chasing bats...it's kinda freaky cause ive never seen one in real life b4 tonight haha I didn't know they even lived in vancouver but they do.
the whole jungle gym thing i won't rite about lol cause it's well .... um it rhymes with wee lol
|
|
(Show Me Love)
|
|
Saturday, July 6th, 2002
|
|
5:50 pm
|
Ok, well here is the deal.
I Love Brandon yes, but there are some factors Im just not liking. He's moving back home at the end of the summer..which leaves me left alone and heart broken. And then he's going to CSU prolly in the fall. I don't want a longdistance relationship, cause I had one of thos for almost Two years and it was not the greatest of deals. There were lots of good things to come out of it...but there was also alot of PAIN and heartack and hurt. So I don't want to have to deal with that.
And yes I know that sounds really selfish...but I can be selfish at this point in time b/c Im done with putting myself out on the line and getting nothing back! Im tired of always being the nice guy. I Love Brandon and that scares me! Cause I didn't think I could love again after my last relationship.
So now Chris is gonna be in my life. As far as our Relationship "Status" we are NOT a couple. We are just friends with benifits. We might move on to the next leave ... but that won't be for a while. We are just enjoying eachother and having fun. I know Chris has liked me for a long time cause he told me, but he also told me he thinks he's not good enough for me. He said he thinks I can do way better than him. But in all truth I like Chris he's a sweet guy and m akes me feel special. And I need that in my life right now. He makes me feel Beautiful and Wanted and all things good. Im happy.
current mood:  indifferent
|
|
(2People Love me | Show Me Love)
|
|
7 (43.8%)